Never Split The Difference

 

Never Split The Difference by Chris Voss, is a great book on all things negotiation. Chris is a veteran negotiator and goes into details on the things he has used in his career to successfully negotiate in tough situations like hostage negotiations with terrorists. Below are some of the insights I got when reading the book.

Core Message

Everything is a negotiation. You get what you ask for, you just have to ask for it correctly - Chris Voss

Empathy is key

We should slow things down as we often we rush through negotiations and this makes the other party feel as if they are not being heard at all. We should try to remove any preconceived biases that we have and arguments that support our position when we head into a negotiation. We should keep an open mind and be ready for any surprises that might come our way. This way we aren't caught off guard and we are actively trying to gather info about what the other part really wants.

A case study was done by Richard Wiseman, where waiters were to use positive reinforcement and mirroring. The group that used mirroring by repeating the customers orders, saw an increase of tips by 70% . Put a smile on your face. This puts people in a positive frame of mind and they start to trust you instead of resisting you.

Aim for "That's Right"

Getting a person to say "That's right" is the key in any negotiation. Once the client says that, it shows that you have understood them, the emotion behind their actions and helps them see you in a new light.

A "That's Right" is better for negotiation as it gives the client the control as compared to yes which could be half assed and used as a way to make you go away. Think back of sales people who call you and ask you dumb questions that make you say Yes all in an effort to get you into a YES framework. 

That's right is better than a yes. Strive for it in negotiations as it creates breakthroughs. Use a summary to trigger a that's right moment. The building blocks for a great summary are a label combined with paraphrasing.

See the emotion behind the decision

Know the emotional drivers and you can frame the benefits of any deal in a language that will resonate with the client. - Chris Voss, pg 126

Decisions are governed by our emotions. In one research where the patient had the part for emotions removed, making even the simplest decision proved difficult. All negotiations have a deeper meaning to them, don't be fooled the surface level things. Meeting halfway or compromising is often a bad deal.

Good negotiators identify and influence people's emotions. Tactical empathy is understanding a persons emotions and mindset of the other person in the moment and knowing what is driving those feelings. Labelling emotions helps you see what is driving the other person behaviors especially fear. Labelling someone's fear helps you diffuse the fear and makes them feel like you understand them

People will take risks to avoid a loss i.e loss aversion. So project your side of your argument in a way that makes them see it as a loss if they don't agree to your terms.

Thank you for the reading all the way to the end. I hope you found value in reading this review. If you have any feedback or suggestions, please let me know in the comment section. See you next time!